Tuesday, June 7, 2011


In several posts I have discussed how friendship and love are some of the highest forms of selfishness not selflessness as people frequently assume. One chooses another as a friend because he values that other more than mere strangers. The reason he values that other more than mere strangers is because the other follows the same moral standards as him. Therefore, similar people are friends. Dissimilar people cannot be friends, for they follow different moralities. Thus, they think one another is vicious. For example, a Marxist and a capitalist cannot be friends because the Marxist believes the capitalist is vicious, and the capitalist believes the Marxist is vicious.

The same goes for love. The only difference is that when one loves another, he chooses one person above all others, even his friends. One can have several friends. One can value several people more than strangers. However, one can only have a single favorite. That favorite, the best friend, is the one he loves.

Of course, this person, the one he loves, is only second to his self. The mere fact that he is choosing another person to love indicates that he values his self the most, even greater than the person he loves, for he is choosing that person because he enjoys being with that person, that person does not corrupt his virtue, that person makes him happy. When one is happy one is acting selfishly. Thus, love has nothing to do with sacrifice.

Unfortunately, most people assume that love is completely about selflessness and sacrifice. They believe love is about compromise. The assumption is, if one loves another, one will give up things - actions, items, etc. - for the other. This is not love. This is self-destruction. This is the atrocious sickening delusion that when two people love one another they become one. 1 + 1 does not = 1. 1 + 1 = 2. When two people love one another they are still two individuals; however, together they become more in the sense that they are happy, they enjoy life. The teaching of two loving individuals becoming one indicates that the individuals of the relationship decrease in value. They destroy parts of themselves so they can be one instead of two. They begin with more value than when they end. Since love is about happiness, about selfishness, one cannot destroy his self to love another. If he does so, he will be miserable, not happy. For before one enters a relationship he loves his self. He loves who he is. He has chosen to be a certain person, act a certain way because it is virtuous because it makes him happy. However, if he enters a relationship demanding sacrifice, he is aborting some of his virtues, aborting what makes him happy. In turn, this will result in one hating the person he allegedly loves because the other caused him to destroy his self, and it will also result in one loathing him self, for he is being less than who he was, the person he chose to be because it made him happy.

A further problem with this is that one must love him self before he loves others. A self-loathing individual cannot love another. If one loathes him self, he is basically saying that he is shit, that he is worthless. He admits that he is a failure, meaning he has not realized his values; thus, he is also admitting that he is vicious. Consequently, he is saying that he is unworthy of love. He believes that no one should selfishly choose him over all others, for he thinks he is worse than all others. Therefore, one contradicts himself by searching for love to cure his self loathing.

Additionally, as I have stated several times before love is a selfish act. Thus, one loves another because he believes he deserves love. Essentially, he values himself enough to pursue and enjoyable relationship with another. If one loathes himself, however, he admits he is of no value, that he is so horrible he does not deserve to enjoy a relationship with another. Therefore, one must obviously love himself before he loves others. 

Firstly, I now realize that I must love another that enjoys the same activities as me. If I am to love another, the other must be interested in philosophical discussion like this. I am not saying everyone must like philosophical discussion. Everyone should be concerned about truth and being virtuous, but not everyone must enjoy the exploration of it. My argument here is that two people who love one another must enjoy similar activities. For example, one who enjoy skiing, and loves the winter, cannot love someone who loathes the winter and despises skiing.

Secondly, it is completely nonsensical that one should not be able to enjoy innocent activities with other friends. It would make sense for one to oppose his loved one's use of heroine with others, for heroine indicates all kinds of unstable moral positions of the other person. Discussing politics, playing sports, playing video games, board games, card games, watching movies, listening to music, all pretty innocent activities that one should not demand his alleged loved one not to partake in.



  1. I presume you have read my recent post about this topic. And you have, you'd know that I have totally different view on this. And I have my views on basis of my experience and observation. Which could always be wrong.

    The only love one can be sure about is the love of a mother for her child. And that love is sacrificing, selfless. A poor illiterate mother admits she's nothing but she wans to make her child everything she is not. She sacrifices her body, her time her pleasures for her child. Without any hope or wish for payback. That is what love is.

    That is my perception. Yours could differ. Do tell me what makes you have this perception about selfish love. Bollywood movies ?

  2. Its nothing like personal dear Its just a general feeling which I notice in my surrounding.

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  4. I kinda disagree here with u. u said that " I must love another that enjoys the same activities as me" basically we said that u love ppl who are similar to us. I can tell u with my own personal expereience that thats not always the case. Right now, i know ppl who are real close to my heart but i know that they arent loyal to me,they have...to some extent backstabbed me,we dont quiet share the similar activities or ideas but still i love those ppl cuz at some point in time i have spent a great time with thm and they ll still remain my friends. I believe that if somebody hurts us,its not necessary that u leave thm instead why not be with thm and try to change them with yr good behaviour. I know here i am just representing minority but yea i think ppl like me still exists ;) i do agree with the part that changing yrself completely for someone is not right. I hate the word compromise too but then again...changing yrself a little bit(not completely) wont hurt cuz u are doing it fr the person u wanna spent the rest of yr life with :)great post :)

  5. @author: you are totally mixing up things, there has always been and there will always be different types of love and selfish/selfless depending on individuals involved!! "Generalizing" love is immature!! for example, I read a recent article in which a bf nurses his gf and takes care of her even after she met with accident and become mentally disabled!! there is no way you can generalize a complex phenomenon like "love"

  6. It is a complete school on the subject.Only we must not generalize things.