Marry a man who appreciates your weirdness. Not an idiot who forces you to be normal!

Valentine's Day

I handed my heart, my body, my soul and what's now really pinching, my faith, over to you. I have forgotten my mind in the process. I've lost it somewhere on the path to seeking desperate happiness. That's the thing about desperation. It corrodes you on the inside until you can no longer see the things that mattered to you as you. That should have been taking over your life before you let the idea of happiness take control. That's the thing about the idea of happiness. It stems from this sick thing called the idea of love.

You broke my heart. I gave it to you to keep and when I wasn't looking you decided to play ball with it and smash it through the neighbors' window. Nobody lives there now. The dark rooms are haunted by the remnants of my shards casting an eerie light in small squares that are slowly disappearing. Bits of me diminished where they once shone bright.

I want you to be miserable. Feel how I feel when I replay the image every second of everyday since I found out. I don't know if I care because it's you or because I thought it was love or because I can't believe I could be forgotten. So easily replaced in an aspect I was trying so hard to fill in your life. I guess I should've seen it coming, I guess your lack of willingness, the distance setting you back an inch everyday, the consistent attempt to display your supposed love for me to the world- all the time forgetting that the only kind of display that mattered was for me. And the amazing part is that I didn't even need any. I knew and yes still know, that you're crazy about me. Your heart longs to see me, hear my voice, my thoughts pour into your empty crevices, share your life and add to its flaws, make them beautiful, tell you you're beautiful and yet fix you, for every year of your life, the entire time.

They say you don't deserve me. You say you don't deserve me. I don't even know if I deserve myself. Is it weak of me to forgive you? Abominable even if I think of reattaching? So I have been told. How can I reform, find the broken bits of me, search for them on all fours only to give them back to the one who ran me over? How can I respect you and live with myself? I don't know what to think anymore. I hate you as much as I love you but this whole thing is making me sick to my stomach. The only respite is that you are in a fractional amount of pain as I am in and I don't want to speak to you or speak about you because I have had enough and I don't recognise myself anymore.

My brain is weighing my body down and I have lost all motivation. I hope you're happy.

Someday I will wake up as a completely different person.

When your heart gets broken, nothing will ever be the same. Opinions, views and circumstances change. So does your outlook on life in general. No matter how hard you try, you can`t mend a broken heart. Even if you glue all the pieces together, the cracks will still show. And your eyes will always seem a little bit sad, even when you`ll be smiling.                         

                                                                                                                

Yet there is hope, because one day you will smile again. You will enjoy music, good food and the company of your friends. Begin to notice how beautiful the world is and how special are the people that are around you. You will find peace. I promise. One thing I can`t promise you though. I can`t promise you that you will ever love again. Sure there will be others and passion, romance, lust and relationships will come. But I doubt that there will ever be Love as pure as your First Love. I hope I`ll be proven wrong some day, but until then, I remain with this pain in my chest, and the dark hollow in my heart does not go away.

Love or Arrange?

Love it in a way that you get it perfectly arranged!!! Or Arrange it should be an arranged in a manner that the relation gets perfectly loved!!!

Whether love or arrange ,the terminal to be reached is to have marriage and not only for the sake of a social custom but must be meant and lived in actual sense then.It is we who define it in different words,color it in different abstracts,portray it in different shapes and carve it in our own ways else it embraces a very sweet meaning i-e happiness.If it is a love marriage than it should not be only a mere premarital infatuation that lasts after a few post marital months:)It should then be loved in a way that the actual depths of the relation are  taken to the levels of eternity and sinctuality with an essence of love and care and fragrance of warmth ,loyalty and affection.

The word Marriage itself if peeped into thoroughly reveals a great charisma,affection and care which needs to be practically applied and lived these days.Love !! If this is how you define your marriage than love it to the level where compromisation,understanding,affection must be persistent throughout making it a bond that is divine closure of two souls,minds and hearts that work always in collaboration with each other. 

Arrange!! If this is your type of marriage than arrangement must be to the peaks where the best arrangements of affairs happen persistently among both families without any discriminating factors,without any superiority/inferiority complexes that pose the greatest hurdles between two extremes and there must be no trait and materialistic dominance too.

 

It is a beautiful relation that must be resistant to an extent that must be soft between two souls but strong enough that no foreign particles outside elements can penetrate its depths for any damage,no environmental features can affect the longevity or durability of its bondage , no words not even swords could influence it in any negative manner.

So Love or Arrange???

Still thinking???? :))

The formula is as follows!!!!

LOVE+ ARRANGE =  LO + VE  + ARRANGE  ( the best possible relation for our selves)

I Miss You :(

I miss you with every sun rise I miss you with every sun set... I miss you at my every step... I miss you with every drive on the road... 

I search you by side with my every hand that moves... 

I miss you with the gap between fingers and space between my lips… I miss you with my every gulp that I take... 

 

I miss you with every coffee I make... I miss you with any every food that I take… I miss you with every door that opens… I miss you with my eyes open with... I miss you with even eyes closed tight... 

 

My eyes remember your smiling face and they don't blink... They miss you so much that I see you in every object around… 

 

Biggest smile on face as I miss you with every sight of my eyes…Miss you with every thought of my mind… 

 

I miss you with my every heart beat... I miss you with every blood that flows...

I miss you with every second & heart beat of mine... My heart will stop missing you the day it stops beating…

Life Goes On

It's been a while hasn't it? Since you took a walk to nowhere in the middle of the night? Since you walked out instead of run under the shades when it starts to drizzle? Since you got high on candy and a day of boardgames or cards?

Yeah it kind of has. It has been long since you read a mail, leave apart a letter, longer still since you bought an original record and even longer since you surprised someone just to see them smile, since you put someone else before yourself. Somewhere between all the forms of communication and making this world a smaller place, we actually made the distance grow more.. We've grown distant.

I look at your facebook profile now to know what you're upto, who you hang with and what is the latest band you listened to. I enlarge your profile picture and stare at it when I need to see your face and try and interpret your status in not one way but a million till I find one that I feel comes closest to my interpretation of you. I write you mails and then save them in my drafts for let's face it, who has the time to read long sappy emails these days, lesser still to reply to them and pathetic as this sounds, I like my mails being replied to.

We've come so far and yet I feel not much has been achieved. There's so much more to be done but there's something that still stops me, holds me back. If moving forward means not needing your people anymore, I disagree. If being strong implies you have to suffocate and drown out what you feel deep down, I beg to differ.

Maybe in another lifetime I can be like one of you - a machine - but for this one, I'm only human. Not by default, by choice.

What Happen If?

What happens when occurrences in your life, one after the other, do nothing but confirm, more and more, that you were, are, and in fact always will be, an outsider. What's worse, is when you find out that you're on this side of the glass window, somehow still intact but probably on the verge of shattering, only because of your naivety and sheer innocence. 

 

Or maybe it's just a skill you acquired somewhere along the way, of blindfolding yourself with an invisible emotion every time you thought something was coming at you, that didn't quite fit, or the time for which wasn't quite right, or it wasn't quite as bearable as it should have been. Quite. Quite foolish you'd have to be. 

When you're in love, you're supposed to be a fool. Why? Because it isn't reality. It's a fantasy. One that was created as per your own convenience, and composed of your little, fragmented obsessions at the time. But nobody ever talks about how foolish, and vile life itself can be. How foolish you could be while undergoing the process of 'growing up.' But sometimes the process stagnates. And you feel like you'll never learn. Like how many times could you possibly suffer, until the suffering teaches you a lesson. Like how much could you possibly endure, until the last vein connecting your heart to your brain is yanked out. Limitless.

I'd stay a little while longer, if only I could be assured that this time, or the next time, or the one after that, will not end in tears and severe reconciliation of not just the surface skimming factors, but of the soul. I'd stay a little while longer, if only the truth was told to my face, and with a trust I couldn't look away from. 

It's like it was said in one of my most favorite movies, of all time. Every time we look back at something we're having a hard time recuperating from, we're probably only looking at the good stuff. The next time you look, look a bit more carefully. 

As I said, I'd stay a little while longer. But that's only if I thought there was something more this place had to offer me. If only it hadn't taken and given to me everything that could have possibly been taken or given. If only my life could turn out the way it had to in the duration of my favorite movie, not necessarily with the same script. If only I could sit here all day, not bother about frivolities that take up my vision, touch and taste, and watch this movie, some brain waves intact. Some nourishment intact. And then... Summer. And soon. Autumn. Throw in a certain Monsoon will you. 

"The scars of your love remind me of us 

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all 

The scars of your love they leave me breathless 

I can’t help feeling..."- Adele