Reality and Spirit

I like writing, and all of my writing is from the bottom of my heart. I write because I want to keep track record of my life and my thought. Therefore, my writing has intimate relationship with my life, my thought and every friend who runs into my life. Almost all the friends who come to my life and my inner world appear on my writing. 

However, my writing seldom gets attention from my friends. Few friends will know about them. Maybe that’s why I can write everything I want to write. Before I refused　to reveal any of my writing to my familiar persons who are around me, because there are too much inner secret from my heart. I have no courage to anatomy myself before others. If so I will lose the feeling of safety. 

Gradually I no longer refuse the friends to read my articles. However, I am still inactive to reveal my writing to my friends. If someone find them by himself, pay attention to them and read them silently, I will appreciate him from the bottom of my heart, because that means he cares about me and my life. However, I hate everybody ask me any personal questions about my writing. The questions like “ Who is the girl you mention in your article? Who is your first love? “ These are so disgustful questions that make you revolt against. The information in my writing is so personal and immanent that it’s unfit to discuss. You can read them silently, and from my writing you will know something about me. You can touch my heart from my writing. You can understand another world about me and you’d better be moved by my writing. However, you can’t ask any questions, although you have so many questions to ask, although your curiosity is inspired, although you want to know more about details. If you want to get the answers, you can read between in lines with your heart, you can guess and finally maybe you can never get clear answers. Anyway, you can’t disturb me by those disgustful questions.

For me, there is two world--------reality and spirit. These two worlds go along with each other and affect each other. My spirit lead my reality and finally is influenced by my reality at the same time. However, in some way they are independent. In reality, I work, strive for money, just because money is the first important factor to make my life happy. However, in my spirit I pursue something has nothing to do with money but priceless, such as love, freedom and interest. In reality, I need a relaxing life. I like talking with friends in a free and humorous way, because I feel easy and happy to live in this way. By contrast, in my spirit world I often think about the serious life philosophy, such as the attitude to life, the distillation of love, the sentiment about life. Generally speaking, my reality is live and busy full of persons coming and going. In contrast, my spirit world is quiet, alone and just belongs to myself. Every day I need time to spend along, doing something I like, such as reading and writing. I always keep a good habit of reading before sleep. Every night I lie in the bed with a comfortable posture, and then turn on the books I like, at that time my spirit is purified. In this way I get a wonderful soul consolation. In my reality I seem to be an extrovert. I can make friends with different people and get a lot of friends. I can be active in different occasions. However, only I know that I am introvert when I face to myself only. I pay attention to my inner voice and pursue inner world. However, I share my heart and soul with few friends in my reality, because I think it’s not fit to mix my two worlds. In my writing, there is a real me, showing up my spirit and soul, but few friends in my reality can share my writing. However, I never feel lonely, because I have so many strange readers, who can understand me, appreciate my writing and keep encouraging me.

It’s the reality and spirit which go along each other make my life happy, full and perfect.

After Forever

Clouds were very dimly lit, as they absorbed the soothing silver light being bestowed by Moon which has hiding somewhere in the background. I stood there, trying to make sense of different things hidden in the dark. Things I couldn't see and things I could see even if I had my eyes closed.

The darkness was opening up the wounds, bringing out the pain so excruciating, it was ripping me into pieces. Darkness was like a bright Sun over my memories. The loudness of silence was intense and intolerable.

That was the time when I needed you the most, needed you like air, like a desperately thirsty wanderer needs water. But I knew you had gone, never to come back again. How much I wished that I had apologized and called you back in my life, how much I hated myself for letting you go. The pain intensified on the thought that you were never coming back.

There was nothing left in my life, whatever I had wished for throughout my life had gone for good. My only reason for existence had gone, there was no way I was gonna live through this pain. That was the end of me and with me, of all those mistakes, questions, justifications, fights, everything we ever did, all the time we ever spent together and all the dreams which never came true.

This could have been a dream but this time I had so many facts like scattered puzzles which evidenced the reality. Facts which were so inflictive, they rendered me almost numb. But there was no way I could force myself out of this tormenting reality, I had to endure this.

I had lost my focus on what I was doing, I could see but couldn't make sense of anything. Then something caught my attention. There was something in the dark shining like diamonds, I didn't know what that could be but after putting some more effort I could see that those were someone's eyes mirroring my expressions. Those eyes seemed to be as tormented as I was. The shape started to move closer and I was astonished at first. I had never thought that this could be possible, I had never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever be able to see 'YOU' again.

You stood there, waiting for my response but what could I do as a response, I was stunned. I somehow managed to get control of my feet and moved towards you. I could clearly see that you had been in a situation no different than mine. I couldn't realize what I actually felt at that time, it was all a shuffle of emotions emanating from my insides.

We sat on a flat rock and there was nothing to talk. Our eyes had exchanged a million expressions in a moment. I promised to never let you go again. While we sat there, clouds started bestowing light drizzles which eventually turned into a heavy shower.

The clouds seemed to be having their turn to tell their sorrows. And we sat there till the first ray of light emanated from East but still, it all felt like a moment. A lifetime seemed too less now.

All I knew now was you were with me and we'll be together forever and after forever !