Shiver

I had a dream I stood beneath an Orange Sky : Alexi Murdoch Now there's no room for negotiation and none for personally viable imagery. There's neither scope nor time for settlements. What you have now is what you'll hold forever and I wish I could say that you were a part of my scavenged dossier but I've sifted and even hunted in my last few bargained hours, but I found nothing. It's like you never existed. Just as well. 

Give me a lie, and I'll live it. Give me a robe and a fancy hat, and I'll don it. Give me a piece of paper and blood instead of ink, and I'll scribe it. Give me frivolity and I'll find a way to conjure short-lived beauty, peace and purity. Give me a pounding heart, and I'll pretend like I never heard it. 

 

This is us, old with no recourse to the past. What we have now is all we'll ever have. If you look at it through many rose tints you'd find it perfect and that's the best way to look at it. But if you dare lighten the shades... 

 

You find one place that you hope will let you forget and forgive and forgo. But if you carry all your baggage on your arm, up-sliding into your heart, seeping into your nervous system, and igniting dangerous cells, you can't expect even paradise to set you free. I've seen heaven and I've seen hell and I've seen them simultaneously. The worst part of not having a time lag between witnessing the two, is finding each equally mesmerizing and tempting. The two feelings rendering you unfit for either. When you get sucked into a roller-coaster ride of promise and hope and dejection and failure, you start enjoying the feeling of each. The loss that comes after the highs and the euphoria after the lows. 

 

All you had to do was ask. But you wouldn't. All I had to do was tell you. But I didn't. All that ever needed to be done, was untying the cruel knots that fate decided to put in the ropes that at some point would tow us back to each other. Maybe they're still not bad enough. Maybe 10 years later. Maybe not. I hate not knowing. But knowing would make me God. 

 

You're not mine. But I'm yours. And if that's not cruel, what is?

Dream

I dream of you and me, inside a pond. We had learned to breathe underwater as we stood together in the bottom. It was blue, moist and chilly as water touched and caressed our skins.

I looked up and saw the sun shining upon the surface, with wavelets sparkling as if someone had spilled some floating diamonds on that pond.

There were a million tiny fish swimming around us, making us smile as they would run into us randomly, rubbing against our skin, tickling us. There were colors everywhere; green, yellow, orange, red, all covered in blue.

I could see your face, shinning like a fabulous being, glowing as sunlight kissed your skin, and you smiled. I held your hand and we both swam to the surface. I could feel the water getting warmer gradually as we ascended.

Blue sky, shinning sun, sea gulls were singing to the rhythm of the wind and beat of the waves. Perfect day it was. And you were mine.

A dream I had of you

 

The waves lashed the rocks, bringing along cool breezes of moist air. Sun felt like a dim circle circle of light hidden behind a screen of clouds. I was almost lost in all this amazing phenomena when I looked at my left and forgot about my existence, forgot everything I had been beholding just moments ago.

What made me forget everything were your eyes, I felt like I had found a whole new world, a world where I could live my whole life in just one moment, a world where I would like to stay in forever and even after forever.

I saw a slight movement of your lips, like you wanted to say something, to say all the words that were once left unsaid. You then changed your mind and looked away at the waves which seemed quite furious at the rocks. We kept staring at the water until Sun started sinking into the West.

I felt your hand on my hand and you looked into my eyes but this time I couldn't reach the depth of the infinity in your eyes which were now guarded by shields of tears. I felt a sudden rush inside my soul to do whatever it takes to stop those tears and to never let them reach your eyes again.

 

I asked,'What's making you so sad?'

You kept looking into my eyes and then said,'The time has come when we go back to the world where we are still unknown to each other.'

Just the moment you said that, everything started to turn dark, everything disappeared and I woke up to find out that it actually was me who had tears in his eyes and.. It was just another dream I had of you !